Forgiveness and Healing

min read

When you think about forgiveness, what comes to mind?

If you’re like most of us, you’ve probably learned forgiveness is for the other person. Like, when someone offers an apology, forgiveness is the “right thing to do.” (After all, look how sorry they are- is it fair to make them wallow in regret?)

We pressure ourselves into “pardoning others for their transgressions” or “taking the high road”. Sometimes we even convince ourselves we’ve let it go- when in reality there’s still lingering resentment.

And guess who suffers in the end?

That’s right- you 🙂

How so?

Glad you asked!

Because in this article, we’re gonna see how resentments manifest in our bodies as dis-ease. Then I’ll walk you through a practical forgiveness exercise to set you free– and begin or deepen your own inner healing journey.

What’s the Connection Between Forgiveness and Healing?

Well, lemme start with a true story to demonstrate the connection between forgiveness and healing:

They did this experiment where they took a small amount of saliva from an angry person’s mouth, and injected it into a guinea pig.

And it literally killed the guinea pig.

(Setting aside the moral issue of cruel animal experiments… And my unsuccessful attempts at finding the source for this story…)

This experiment is a perfect example of the famous Buddha quote,


“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

– The Buddha

Because forgiveness isn’t about the other person- it’s about you. It’s about releasing all that negativity from your body, mind, and spirit.

Yep. And guess what else?

Dis-eases feed off of negativity.

And so, releasing anger and resentment from your tissues can release all sorts of issues, and prevent diseases. Plus, forgiving others- and yourself– for the past can even heal existing diseases.

Ok, by now you’re probably, like, “That’s all fine and dandy. But how the heck do I actually forgive myself and others? How do I get rid of every last spec of resentment?

That’s another great question!

But before I get into the practical step-by-step process, I want to clarify two common misperceptions:

The 2 Most Common Misperceptions of What it Means to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t the same as condoning the other person’s actions or letting them continue to cross your boundaries. Nope- it’s about freeing yourself and your energy, and preserving your peace of mind.

So, just because you let go of the emotional charge around the other person’s behaviour, doesn’t mean they’re free to keep doing it 🙂


Forgiveness is also not about reconciliation- you can heal yourself from the poison of anger and resentment without getting the other person involved.

For example, if the person you’re upset with is no longer alive; or they’re dangerous or abusive; or maybe they just don’t wanna have that conversation, that shouldn’t stop anyone from releasing that anger or bitterness!

So now that we got that out of the way–

Here’s The Forgiveness Process Kelly Kingston, founder of happy and well® lays out in her newest book, Naked Skin Deep. (Naked Skin Deep is part of her YOU-niversity 4 YOU transformational education program [link], and is not for sale on its own.)

The Forgiveness Process

To perform the process, you need to find a quiet place where you can talk aloud without the fear of being overheard or disturbed.
1. Close your eyes and allow yourself to fall into a relaxed and reflective state.

2. Visualise the person with whom the issue needs to be resolved and see a cord coming from that person’s navel and another one from your navel and tie the cords together.

3. Then speaking aloud, say the person’s name followed by: e.g., ‘Mary, the resentment I hold against you for…’ and state everything for which you feel resentful or bitter towards that person.


4. Now say the person’s name followed by: e.g., ‘Mary, the resentment I hold against you I now release. I love you and forgive you.’

As you say, ‘I forgive’, imagine a pair of scissors and cut through the imaginary cord connecting you with the person.

5. Repeat the process twice and try to state resentments that you may have forgotten the first time as well as the ones mentioned previously.

6. Now change the process by tying the cords together again by saying the person’s name e.g., ‘Mary, the resentment you hold against me for…’ state the things as before. [do you state the same things as the other exercise, or do you list the things you imagine they might be upset at you for?]

7. On completion say the person’s name: e.g., ‘Mary, all the things for which you hold resentment against me I now forgive you for, I love you’, and cut the cord.

8. Repeat this process (steps 5 and 6) twice.

“If you cannot forgive yourself you will be subconsciously looking for punishment.”


Even though we’re taught to use forgiveness as a way of making other people feel better, or as “the right thing to do”-

Forgiving others is also about ourselves, our health, our own sanity.

And by using Kelly Kingston’s short, step-by-step Forgiveness Process, anyone can release the issues from their tissues and begin or deepen their inner self-healing journey.

P.S. We’d love to know how this article resonates with you!

Please drop a comment on how The Forgiveness Process goes for you




The terms “wellness,” “wellbeing” and “happiness” have often been used together or interchangeably by businesses, researchers and the media. This graphic outlines what they share in common and how these terms differ in concept, usage and association.

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